ready to go

Hey guys. sorry i took so long to blogg. just been busy with finals and packing up my stuff and all. well my first semester is over and it wasnt an enjoyable one. but it did teach me a valuable lesson. COLLEGE IS NO FREAKiN JOKE! lol. now i know what to do and what not do 2nd semester!

i learned to not have as many friends cus they will lead u in the wrong direction.

thats why i only have 2 good friends... jalisha & valentina. i l0ve em s0 much they r my 2 wonderful angels!!!

we won the morgan vs. coppin BASKETBALL game and of course MORGAN MADE IT HAPPEN. unfortunately i didn't go to the after party.. just wasnt in the mood. im not in the partyin mo0d as i was when i first got here.

any way i gota finish packin!

GROW UP!

Since me and my roomate got back from thanksgiving break we have not spoken the way how we used to. and if you ask me i don't know why this is so. she has been acting very shady and very standoffish to me and maybe others, but since im her roomate i feel some type of way about it. for an example when i got back on sunday i greeted her and asked how her thanksgiving was and what did she do and hat not trying to make conversation.. her response was short and straight to the point so i left her alone. then she was on the phone and all she was saying was how she hates morgan and the people in it and how she has no friends and everyone is phony and the list goes on.. and i take offense to that because i have been nothing but nice to her.. yes we may have out bitter times but we get over it and laugh it off the very next minute.. but it neva came to the point where we disrespected one another.. then i offered her some dunkaroos and she was like "oo thank you vell, that was very nice of you" then right before we both went to sleep she was like "what is this.. is this some type of cheese.. and im like "no its like icing wth lil cookies in it".. then she said o no thanks and put it back on my desk.. like to others it may not be a big deal but to me it is because first u thank me about it and then say no thank you like an hour later about it.. like wtf? all day y-day and last night we have not spoken to eachother and so far we have not spoken. and i realized this morning she moved my refriderator closer to my side (we share the same fridge) as if she doesnt want to use it anymore.. which is fine with me if she wants to act like that then be my guest.. cus u only hurting ya self. but she can atleast be an adult about it and talk it out with me.. cus she making me feel like i did something wrong when i know damn well i didn't! maybe she had a fucked up thanksgiving.. but whatever it is.. i just hope she doesn't treat anybody else like that.. cus she will lose many friends...

QUOTES<3 (by anonymous)

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us."

"It's true that we don't know what we've got until we loseit, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."

"Feelings change - memories don't."

"You can close your eyes to things you don'twant to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."

"Happiness needs sadness.Success needs failure.Benevolence needs evil.Love needs hatred.Victory needs defeat.Pleasure needs pain."

HATE

i hate this feeling that i have deep in my body.

its a feeling that others what understand and that i cant explain

too many thoughts are going thru my mind and im becoming overwhelmed w. things

i hate how i feel

i hate how i look

i hate how i carry myself

i hate how others think of me

i hate how i think of myself

i hate that i care for people a little bit too much

i hate when people take me for granted

i hate when others dont listen to me

i hate when i love

i hate the ones that i love who CLAIM they love me

i hate the ones who did me wrong and are currently doing me wrong

i hate haters

i hate contradictors

i hate liars

i hate cheaters

i hate decievers

MY FOREVER <3

i saw the love of my life last night!! we have known each other for 3 years but been together for 2 years now but sadly we are not together anymore and he has a new girlfriend. but he still lets me know that i am his NUMBER 1 and no other girl will ever take his place. we have been thru ups and downs for the past 2 years and it made us both know that in the end we still love each other and as much harm we do to our hearts we will always wind back together. i question him and wonder why he is with his current girlfriend.. i mean she has 2 kids and they are not even his.. when he has someone (me) with no kids whose going to school and has her shit together!!! but thats his choice. i don't think its a competition between me and her because i know what i have and i don't hate on other females..because everyone is different..

while we were together we reminisced about the good and bad times and talked about how we can fix our relationship because theres a few dents in it, that needs work! lol..he made me cry cause he was just telling me things that i really needed to hear from him in person rather than on the phone.. i mean what can i say my little 18 yr old heart is in love well at least i think so..

in the end i don't want anyone else but him my friends think im crazy for still being in love with him, but others just don't know him the way i do. he makes me feel so good about myself and ilove feeling good! i told him one day we will be together again but we just need our separate ways but know that we can always count on each other.

even tho he has a girlfriend it hurts deeply because i don't want him to be with anyone besides me. and i know deep down inside his heart he doesn't want me with anyone besides him but he leaves me no choice.. i mean if he really wants to make this relationship work then he will leave his girlfriend and make it happen with me and just pick up where we left off from.

there have been a few guys that caught my eye, but yet im not going to allow my heart to open up to anyone else besides him.

my friends and mom says i should move on and find someone better.. well as of right now i don't want to move on i LOVE HIM TOO DAMN MUCH!

in the end i will realize whats right and whats wrong but as of now but heart remains with him...

"Broken-Hearted Girl"
Beyonce Knowles

You're everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could have been
But still, you live inside of me, so tell me how is that?
You're the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you're the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
'Cause I can't erase
The times that you hurt me and put tears on my face
And even now, while I hate you, it pains me to say
I know I'll be there at the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you, babe
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna take a breath without you, babe
I don't wanna play that part
I know that I love you, but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kind of way, no no
I don't want a broken heart
I don't wanna play the broken-hearted girl
No, no, no broken-hearted girl

There's something that I feel I need to say
But up til' now I've always been afraid that you would never come around
And still I wanna put this out

You say you've got the most respect for me
But, sometimes I feel you're not deserving of me
And still, you're in my heart
But you're the only one
And yes, there are times when I hate you, but I don't complain
'Cause I've been afraid that you would walk away
Oh, but now I don't hate you
I'm happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you, babe
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna take a breath without you, babe
I don't wanna play that part
I know that I love you, but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kind of way, no no
I don't want a broken heart
I don't wanna play the broken-hearted girl
No, no, no broken-hearted girl

Now I'm at a place I thought I'd never be, ooh
I'm living in a world that's all about you and me, yeah
Ain't gotta be afraid, my broken heart is free to spread my wings and fly away, away with you....

I don't wanna be without my baby
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna take a breath without my baby
I don't wanna play that part
I know that I love you, but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kind of way, no no
I don't want a broken heart
I don't wanna play the broken-hearted girl
No, no, no broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

memories<3

im very glad that i got to see my favorite Dominican chick Rosa.. in such limited time spent it felt like it was days. i missed her a whole lot and we caught up on a lot of things while we both went out separate ways.

she has her license now and her own car and has her head on right and im very proud of the way she is growing up..lol i feel like a mother! ahhhh i cant wait to come back home in 2 weeks even though my time in nj will be spent very shortly because i am going to Tx for the christmas vacation.

o well i will try my best to catch up with my friends before i dipp off....

later dayz

GOOD OLE' TIMES

IT WAS GOOD SEEING MY "SISTERS AGAIN ON WED. NIGHT. I WENT TO MY FRIEND MARIES HOSUE WITH MY BEST FRIEND JESSICA BECAUSE I WANTED TO SURPRISE MY OTHER FRIENDS. AND YES INDEED THEY WERE SURPRISE! WE ENJOYED THE NIGHT BY TALKING ABOUT OLD MEMORIES AND REMINISCING ABOUT GOOD OLE TIMES BEFORE I LEFT AND WHAT EVERYBODY IS DOING NOWADAYS!

MY THANKS GIVING

I HAD THE BEST THANKS GIVING EVER!!!!!!!! I WENT TO MY AUNTY AND UNCLES HOUSE AND HAD THE BEST FOOD EVER TRiNiDADiAN STYLE!!! I SAW ALL MY COUSINS AND THEIR FRIENDS AND IT WAS AMANZING. I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE SO EARLY BUT MY MOM AND BROTHERS HAVE TO WORK TOM. MORNING UNFORTUNATELY!! :( BUT WHILE BEING THERE IT WAS GREAT SEEING THE FAM AGAIN!

JERSEY ii LOVEEEEE Y0UU

U OF MARYLAND [COLLEGE PARK

3 OF MY FRIENDS AND I WENT TO THE U OF MARYLAND [COLLEGE PARK] LAST NiGHT AND I WAS IN SHOCK WHEN I SEEN HOW BEAUTIFUL AND HUGE THE CAMPUS WAS. HONESTLY I DON'T THINK IVE SEEN SUCH A PRETTY CAMPUS IN MY LIFE LIKE I DID LAST NIGHT. AS ME AND & MY FRIEND WALKED INTO THE DORM THE RA DIDNT EVEN ASK FOR ID OR HASSLE US FOR AN ID LIKE THEY DO AT MORGAN, WHICH WAS A BAD THING BECAUSE SECURITY IS A MUST BUT THEY WERE SO CALM AND HAPPY, WHILE BACK AT MORGAN THEY ARE SO RUDE AND OBNOXIOUS! ALSO THE DORMS ARE CO-ED.. NOW U KNOW THAT AINT NEVA HAPPENIN' AT MORGAN LOL IN A LIFETIME!!. THEN WE WENT TO TO THE COURTYARD WHERE A FRIEND WAS HAVING A B-DAY PARTY AND THE APARTMENTS ARE WAY MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN MORGAN VIEW'S APARTMENTS.. LOL DAMN SHAME.. BUT BESIDES THAT THE SCHOOL IS HUMUNGOUS AND MOST IMPORTANTLY EVERYONE IS ALWAYS HAPPY.. I GUESS THOSE ARE THE BENEFITS OF GOING TO A DIVERSE SCHOOL! HONESTLY I WOULDN'T MIND GOING TO THAT SCHOO, BECAUSE I AM ALREADY USED TO DIVERSITY. MY WHOLE LIFE I HAVE BEEN AROUND MANY DIFFERNT CULTURES WHICH IS A VERY GOOD THING RATHER THAN SURROUNDING MYSELF WITH JUST ONE RACE.

AHHHHH IM POSSIBLY THINKIN ABOUT TRANSFERRIN. IM GETTING REALLY FED UP WITH PEOPLE AT THIS DAMN SCHOOL!

THANKS GiViNG iS COMiNG!

YAY!!! ii CAN'T TO LEAVE ON TUESDAY TO SEE MY FAMiLY!!!! i AM iMAGiNiNG RiGHT NOW THE WONDERFUL TASTE OF THE FOOD THAT WiLL BE COOKED AT MY AUNTiE'S H0USE!!! AHH i MiSS EVERYB0DY S0 MUCH ESPECiALLY MY M0MMY!!! i L0VE HER S0 MUCH AND i KN0W SHE MiSSES ME DAY BY DAY SiNCE i AM AWAY AT SCHO0L. bUT iLL BE BY HER SiDE iN JUST 2 DAYSSSS!! AHH i GOTT CHECK THE TiMES FOR THE BUSES!! DEUCES

Jessica (my best friend)

i really miss my bestie from back home Jessica. We've been best friends since the 8th grade and have not been apart even till now. We've had our ups and downs but in the end we get over it and laugh it off. she is like a sister to me, i can confide in her and she gives the best advice. going away to college made me a bit sad, but i wanted to get away from not only her but from everyone and start on my own. by going away our friendship hasn't change in my opinion. when i go back home on the weekends we always find time to meet up with eachother. so its that bad even tho i am away at college. i wish the best for my best friend, because she is going through some things that i don't even know i can help her with, but she can always count on me!



and another 0ne

HAPPY BiRTHDAY!!

well.... November 15 today is my roomie's, my brother and my uncle's birthday!!!! yayayayaya i had to call em all to wish a wonderful birthday lol.

My beautiful niece and i spoke today and it was a blessing her voice! i miss her so muchhh && my chunky nephew!!. she is my heartttt<3.. I can't wait to vist my brother and his family for christmas and also see my bestfriend, Amanda!!!

i HATE the RAiN! LOL its pointless, well except for plants/flowers!

im super bored in my room and im waiting for my father's wife to come and get me so i can wash my clothes! My roomie left for the weekend to celebrate her b-day! im happy for her because i know how it feels to miss friends and family back at home!

HAPPY BiRTHDAY RAiSSA!!

i can't sleep. alot of thoughts are running through my mind. i don't know what's wrong, but whatever it is, it has been bothering me for a very long time and its hurting me emotionally and physically.

sometimes i feel like i do not belong at this place. (morgan). its a feeling that has always come and go very often.

i hope the feeling goes away because its getting to the point where i want to go back to Jersey and attend college out there.

just a lil thought. and the club was wack last night that made my night even more upsetting...

heyyyy guys sorry i took so long to keep you posted on my life. well as far as everthing goes i could not be the most happiest person in the world just for the simple fact that Mr. Barack Obama is our president!!!! I voted on November 4th for the first time and it was the best experience ever, im so proud to have taken part of the most important election in the world! i can't wait to tell my future children and my grandchildren. i truly look up to Mr. and Mrs. Obama they are just an inspiration to many people in this world, not only African Americans but to many cultures. ill be back to write more, taking a nap before i start my paper. lol

why why why?

I've been thinkin about many things lately especially about death. I've gotten too many phone calls about people dying and it hurts like hell. My brothers grandmother passed away last month, my cousin called me the other day and told me that one of close friend passed away and my other cousin told me that one of her friends father was brutally murdered.

I know death is apart of life, but it just so happens that starting around my birthday and on people have passed away.

It scares me bit because now all I think of whose next in line to be sent to heaven?

Sick days

coughing, sneezing, swollen glands when will it all go away? i've been very sick for the past 2 weeks now and its starting to get on my nerves!!!!! i miss my mommy dearly.. i miss jerseyyy for the most part, but then again im kinda glad that im here...

Spoke to a very wonderful friend today and helped me with many issues that has been buggin me for a long time. it felt really good speaking to him because it always seems like he has the right answers at the right time. (lol)

well im going to sleep early. Goodnight world!

i had an extremely long day today. I had to wake up at 8am to go to the hair salon to get my hair braided for 9am. Mind you I started my hair around 10am. I was sitting on the chair for about 8 hours getting Kinky twists. lol This is why i do not like spending long hours on my hair because it tends to get frustrating. Prior to that I had a long day on Friday catching the china bus from the Baltimore travel plaza to New York then having to take two trains to New Jersey. ( I knew i should have taken the Greyhound) AHHHHH very stressful!

Also I had a date planned with a very special friend of mine for my 18th birthday but I don't think I am able to attend. Fatigue is taking over BIG TIME!!

Hey who knows i may feel like going later on??!

Birthday Thoughts

Well first and foremost I had the best birthday ever! My birthday is September 17 and i finally turned 18. Not really a big change in my life, but just happy that I made it thus far in life and thank God for still being alive.

Around 7pm my father dropped off a gift that I received from my mother. The most important gift that i received was a dragon fly necklace along with a poem that my mother found:

THE DRAGONFLY

Dragonflies are a symbol of the sense of self that comes with maturity. the dragonfly is often represented in Japanese paintings, representing new light and joy. dragonflies are reminders that we are light and can reflect light in powerful ways if we choose to do so. "let there be light" is the divine prompting to use the creative imagination as a force within your life. they help you see through your illusions and allow your own light to shine in a new vision.

Traditionally, the dragonfly is the symbol of transformation and life's ever-constant process of change.

The image of the dragonfly sparks the creative power of the imagination.

Dragonflies are symbols of being carefree; to embrace dreams and change.

In Japan, dragonflies are symbols of courage, strength and happiness.

Some Native Americans believe that dragonflies are a symbol of renewal after a time of great hardship.

After reading that, it touched my heart deeply and I started to become very emotional.

Anyway can't wait to go home on FRIDAY!!!